The CHURCH and I

Good day there dearest readers,
I'm gonna apologize to you guys for not keeping my word... I believe I mentioned in the last posting that I may speak about Mr. and Mr. Valentine in this posting.. Instead, I will be telling you about church in relations to me. ( for you maths people, its differentiate ( D church / D me ) ...hahaha...)

This was how it used to be... I was brought up as a Catholic ever since I was an infant. Every Sunday since 6 years old, I attended Sunday School (Catechism of the Catholic Church classes) until the age of 17 years of age. Every Sunday, they tell us this or that or another thing about God... Some of the teachers will bad mouth the other churches, some other religions and all during that period of time.. Of course all that would have to stop at certain age when we were capable of arguing... And so we heard about this part of the church, of that part of the church... And I think, after so long of listening to them, I don't think they even really read the Catechism of the Catholic Church to begin with. Anyway, and so we were there all these while, learning to be Good Christians or something like that. At 14 years of age, I decided to join the Altar Servers. ( these are the people you see in movies during weddings and all in churches, are standing next to the priest at the altar) after much prompting by the old French priest who used to serve our church. When he left, I joined the Society, hoping that with a new priest, there would be new things and so I can start from scratch along with everybody else.. I learned everything from scratch, enough for me to know why certain parts of the service is conducted and all.. Most of the altar servers would only just do what they are told and thats it.. I made it personal. Making an effort to be there whenever there is service during the weekends, starting a trend of attending service twice a week..
After several years with the altar servers, I became the most frequent and sort of the most responsible/dedicated altar server among the lot. The priest requested that I head the society. And so I with great honour, to up to the task. It wasn't easy at first, to tackle several problems within the altar servers, but in the end I manage to. That was when it first started in 2007. After that, I began to take up my personal interest of singing by joining the choir. (I loved to sing, I sang through high school, being in the music class and all).. And so I did so, also with an aim, to improve the choir which was very often short of members. That was my goal when joining the choir other than to indulge in my personal hobby. That was also in the year 2007, the end of it I think..
Recently, after my mother found out about my state of being WHAT I am. She was finding it hard to accept, and of all people she ran to, to talk about this was the priest, whom with I had a personal friendship. This news I received from my sister 2 days after she returned from National Service. I was so terribly dissapointed to receive that news, because just a week back, the priest asked me a question he had never asked before, 'Do you have an assistant in the altar server's society?' When I told him no, he said 'You better find somebody and train him up la, because you'll be busy and all.. If you have a girlfriend or anything then gone.' This conversation took place the week before. He and I used to be rather close may I say, we used to talked about things and I treat him like a friend, but after I found out this bad news, my perception towards him changed completely. I got angry at both him and mom (my mom this time). How can she have ran to him, who was my friend? And his reaction? All so dissapointing. (Part of a priest job is to counsel people and to keep their secrets with those he counsels.) But then in this case, although he did keep his promise of secrecy, he reacted in such a way.... I have been having relationships all the while throughout my time in the altar servers, and now suddenly it became an issue? After all my dedication I put in, I lost hope and motivation.
I reacted immediately by finding replacements and will be waiting to depart from the altar servers. It had been in mind for some time now, the thing is, I wanted to leave at my own time, not when somebody ask me to.. Especially my superior, in a way like he lost confidence in me.. And now I have absolutely no mood to go to church, no mood for anything related to church, not only that, I want to quit everything I have to do with the church. Other than going to church whenever it is necessary. That means I will be leaving even the choir, the only chance to sing in public ( the church folks actually like my voice when I sing and chant if I may say) , the altar servers with whom I have grown to know and understand more about the church, my friendship with the priest and everything else that is related to church except the friends of course.. Some only that is, most of them I wouldn't mind unknowing them, again sorry to say la.
All this for the sake of being WHAT I am and what church people will think of me and all.. All this so that I can love my boy more and more... So that I can worry and think less of my responsibilities for his sake. Oh...Did I mention that the Catholic Church and most Christian denominations are against homosexuals? Well, they are... Perhaps the priest did what he did because he thought that when people find out, they may begin to doubt my credibility with their sons. But I still think the idiot should have consulted me first, if he doesn't dare to, then I should be left with my own choice of leaving which was very soon already... Not exactly the way I planned to leave, but at least I'm leaving. Thats one good news for me I think... Good luck to C and D who will be taking my place governing the little rascals.
Anyway, that is my relationship with the church, at the brink of complete divorce. Though I will still attend service and all, other than that, nothing to do with the church. Another part of my life currently, look out for the next part which I hope will be posted soon enough... Regards my dearest readers and followers. Again, thank you for your kindness...

Lover Boy, not in love with the church anymore...

A wonderful experience...

Several weeks ago, I was at the boy's place making one of my usual visits there in the evening.... While we were at the kitchen talking with mum (the bf's mother) and all, suddenly mum asked me whether I was having my school holidays on the 16th like all the other schools.. I answered her, but what came after that was very unexpected. She asked me to follow her and the family up to Genting for a 1 night stay... the feeling I felt then, a feeling of acceptance... It made me feel less comfortable going over to his place after that... As time passed, the boy got his job and all.. And I thought that the trip with him up the highlands was canceled, however several days before that fine day, mum offered to buy the boy a couple of MCs so that he could go... When I was informed, I was quite surprised. And by the way, they took me up to Genting with them 2 days before the actual trip... Thats how often mum likes to go to Genting..

And so that fine day came, I went to the boy's place at about 12 after going for a interview (which is another matter I am still awaiting news of). Anyway, we spent some time at the house before actually making the trip up to Genting.. That was about 6 hours later after waiting for mum's dad to arrive and all... We took the cab up there cause there were not enough cars.. Reaching there, we had to wait for several hours before we actually got our rooms... And little did I suspect, we bumbed into Z and her family. (Z is a friend of mine whom I had known for several years from church, and I also recently told her about my status as a PLU..) I informed her of my trip up to Genting and what a coincidence that she was also going up there as well... AND IT WAS S's birthday as well that fine day... (S is Z's sister).. Then they went off for dinner but we agreed to meet up later on..

And so we went to our rooms, (the boy was rather upset because J who was suppose to be taking care of I as well, decided to go tackling girls and forgot his responsiblity, showed his temper at me instead.... refuse to talk and all, and then made me feel so sad cause he said ' I brought you up here to have fun with you', I was like, ' I know, but I cannot leave my friends jsut like that can I?' He then took a shower without talking to me, he did get a little better after that though) and then out again because mum wanted to go to the casino, and we had to babysit I. And so J ( the brother-in-law), the boy and myself were roaming around with a baby in our hands... We went to the arcade and met up with Zarrah and all there... After several hours, we went up to the room to wait for mum to return... The plan was to go clubbing that fine day.. (for the first time in my life, i was going clubbing).. Mum came back and we I with her and off we went, all excited. We reached the club, and wanted to enter, we 3 guys made it through quite easily. However, trouble started when the girls wanted to enter, the policemen, (police again...haiz..) decided to ask the girls for their IDs which they could not produce because of the fact that they were still underage.. And so we went off elsewhere hoping that the boy would be able to get the DJ in touch and smuggle the girls in, but all to no avail. We continued roaming and then an idea came into the boy's mind, lets go to the pub to drink.. And we all were like, 'OK, lets go..' Since we were all bored and dissapointed of the fact that clubbing was cancelled. So we went and got ourselves some beers, and we were sitting in the middle of the pub with all sorts of older men and women around us... SOme staring since we were actually the youngest there... We thought it was just a drinking session, little did we expect there was a performance by a LIVE BAND. So so we were singing and drinking with the music.. We actually broke one bottle accidently and wasted 1 beer, ON MY PANTs. Yes, it was wet... haha... But the drinking continued with the ordering of another bucket and another after that... Anyway, while listening to some music, the singers actually called us out to go and dance in front of the stage.. The 3 of us, S the Boy and I, took the challenge, not wanting to dissapoint the singers. And so we went dancing to the music.. J and Z were too shy for this, sitting at the table enjoying the show.. (did i mention that they were both quite attracted to each other?) Anyway, we dance and went back to our sits. After that, they played a love song, 'The Power OF LOVE', I'm sure you guys have heard of it.. The boy suggested that we 2 go out and dance, slow dance that is... I was like, 'are you sure?' He said yes, but we still waited for a while... And we weren't really hiding ourselves, cause we kept giving each other light pecks on the cheeks throughout the whole session. And so we took the stage again, huggin each other and dancing slowly to the love song, all eyes were on us, including those of the lead singers, one even pretended to cry (trying to say what a lost of opportunity for them because we were PLU).. At the end of the dance, we gave each other another kiss in front of all those people, and surprisingly, they actually applaused to our cause... I was like 'wow!' We took our sits again, and at last, the boy actually offered me a cigarette, which I was asking for quite some time already because he himself was smoking and all... But refused to let me smoke.. This time, I got my chance... And so that was my first full cigarette with the Bf after declaring our love for each other in the sight of so many people... I forgot to mention, he even got down to his knees during our dance to offer me a sort of flower like object, in front of so many people... I was truly touched by the scene... And after the whole drinking and self declared clubbing session, we made off.. For a walk at first before returning to the room... S, surprisingly was drunk... She was walking left and right, refusing to take any of our hands... Made me quite worried though, what if her mom found out, or what if she fainted... Btw, she is only 15... haha... Started saying all sorts of funny stuff... and couldn't remember it the next day when we asked her.. hahaha....

At about 3.30am, we all went back to our rooms, after sending the girls off that was... Went to the room, and surprisingly, we couldn't sleep.. Mum was awake, asked us to go buy back some food to eat.. The boy and I went for another walk downstairs that means...

We came back with the food and all... And the 4 of us ate and then finally slept.. The boy and I both slept in each others arms, his head on my chest... And that was how we slept the whole night... And next to him, was mum... haha... She was totally fine with it, thats the best part...Not only that, mum actually talks with me... (in a sense that she accepts me, which I am totally greatful of).. How many mums would actually allow such things? Not many I think...

Anyway, we were up and about quite late the next day, we went to the archery range and shot some arrows with Z and S. Then headed for buffet lunch, but J didn't really eat much because he was thinking of Z who wasn't with us then. Then off we went to the rooms with the girls again, don;t worry, nothing happened.. 2 gay boys won't do anything to the girls.. haha.. We waited as mom went out to the casino again.. and later at night, we left for home...

Of course there are many incidents that I have not mentioned here which actually happened on that Hill... Some too personal, some not very nice... But most of the story is there.. Just thought I could share it with you readers... Stay tuned, as I slowly but surely will be adding more stuff into this blog... Perhaps the next one I will put in the story of Mr. and Mr. Valentine... that would be fun... with the police incident.. Anyway, stay tuned... Thanks for reading..

Lover Boy..

The REASON

Dearest readers and friends, it has been way too long since I've delayed the answering of the most important beginning of my blog postings... THE REASON...
Well, this was how the story went... There was this day, one of those days when there was 'drama' at home regarding me... The main actors in this drama were my mom and sister if I've not forgotten... ar... I remember it now... My mother used to cry everyday, of course I was never aware of it... Neither were the rest of my family.. But then my elder sis who sleeps with mum every now and then would notice.. Then she'll come to me and say that its my fault 'Do you know mom is crying every night because of you?' That is what I will normally get.. I've explained to mom and sis before that this is who I am... Mind you this explaining and arguing argument happened a few times and the main one lasted for a few hours... Weren't the easiest times for me.. Back to the top, I would then approach mum and ask her whats wrong... May I say, I am not the type who delays facing social problems... Especially when it comes to relationships.. Better to have this kind of thing fixed fast is what I believe..
Anyway, mum would say that its not me, its herself.. After I start arguing with her for a while... But then she would then blame me for making this choice, this and that.... And then she would say its not me, its her... I would be like WTF? Of course I'll never say it out loud, but then... And may I say this wasn't the first time such things have happened... I cannot run to the boyfriend and tell him that now can I? I would be no different from my mother who blames me but says its not me but her... I've spent too much time crying into my pillow and hoping for a better future... To keep all that sorrow inside... Even as I type this, there are tears in my eyes... The question that came to my mind was, who do I turn to? Friends? I don't complain about anything... I don't like to complain... Too proud to take pity from others... I don't know what to do with that pity as well... My boyfriend? How can I mention this kind of things to him... I don't want him to leave me... But then I still tell him when he insist... It'll make him feel guilty, yes, but then...haiz.. I dunnoe anymore. Where else can I turn to if not to you people who are willing to listen to my sorrows... That is why the name of the blog in friendster was called No Where Else... I really have no where else to turn to.... All I can do now is turn to you and cry on your digital shoulders, hoping that someone actually listens to me....
I'm sorry, this posting is quite emotional.. Thats why I tried to delay it a little more.. But then, sometimes its just so hard to keep it in any longer...... Thank you for listening dearest readers and friends...

Lover boy...

From friendster to here....

My dearest readers, I am sorry and proud to inform that I have transfered all bloggin activities to blogspot for convenience sake.. AS some of you may not know, the friendster blogs is not very efficient and I was already getting confuse with its erm...usage.. Anyway, all stories of this mysterious person will still carry on as usual only in a differnt places... Next entry would be regarding the reason of why I started blogging as I have promised you all... And then after that I will continue with our love story...
Stay tuned...
LoverBoy