Good day dearest readers,
I went to church earlier just now, by myself. (just felt like it was the thing to do at the time) Anyway, an outsider priest led the service and gave his sermon. There was one part that caught my attention dearly and it got me thinking... This is what he said..
' Well there are different kinds of love, a lot of people look for convenience now, but what is love then? Why did you all get married to whoever you are married to? At first it was all, 'you hang up first la.. no you hang up first... I'll wait for you...' all that sweet playful playful... Just hang up la, what is there... haha... That is the start of every relationship... Is that why you got married? and there is stage 2. Stage 2 is when you guys go a little more physical and romance and all... is that why you got married? no right... But then there is a 3rd stage where they actually come to realisation that it is the company of the person that they enjoy and need most.. Its the company... Now that is the right reason to get married. Through thick and thin, still stick to each other.. There is no such thing as jumping into the 3rd stage straight, all must go through the 2 stages first..... bla bla bla'
Yeah, thats what caught my attention. I started to think of the position I am in and my relationship. I realised, that even though, we have been in this relationship for about 4 months now, I have moved on to the last stage.. I need the Bf's company, his presence. Just this one week without him has already drawn me quite up the wall. Thats how I look at my relationship, at stage 3 with the person I love most in the world...Even if we may fight every few days or less, our company, just our company is the most important aspect. I believe that he is also in the same stage. But you'd be surprised at the number of people who are on stage 2 and think that everything is good...
Of course right, who would say that they are not stage 3 but other stages... Doesn't leave a good impression... In the end, its sincerity regardless of whichever stage you are at that counts the most when you start taking a step....
Lover Boi
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Testing The Waters..
Hey readers,
Just recently, on wednesday night, I was driving mum to church for some meeting there.. During the journey, I asked her about the priest, whether he asked her anything about me or not. I'll do this in convo style so you guys would understand.
Me: Mom, did Father ask you about me and why I not active in church and all ar?
Mom: No, we've been too busy, no chance to talk to him also. Why? You still not talking to him?
Me: Nope. Don't intend to. But he talked to me the other day.
Mom: What he said?
Me: Well, asked me how I was. I ask him back. Then I kept quiet, refused to strike conversation. He told me abit about the church condition now, and then he asked me whether there were alot of activities going on in school. Told him there wasn't. Then He asked what I did nowadays. Said I sat at home doing nothing la. (He kept quiet after that, probably comfirmed that I was angry at him or the church. Btw, I don't talk to him in church or anything, he sees me from a far, but I ignore him and do my thing normally, still pissed probably.) Then I went off.
Mom: Why? You should go and speak to him and talk things out. Don't hold a grudge inside.
Me: Whats the point?
Mom: Well, you'll feel better when you let it out and talk things through.
Me: No point. What could possibly make me feel better, what is said is said, there is no taking back.
Mom: Is there no forgiveness in your heart?
Me: Maybe I've forgiven him already, I just don't want to talk to him.
Mom: You haven't forgotten it. You've forgiven but not yet forget. You should go talk to him.
Then the convo ended.
Later it continued after the meeting.
Me: I thought about what you said, but even if I talk to him, what am I suppose to expect to hear? He cannot take back what he said, he won't have any excuse... What should I expect to hear?
Mom: you should forgive and forget lor.
Me: Forgetting, and forgetting him along. What is said is said, cannot take back. When I first joined, I was very loyal, very regular, he said ' when get girlfriend sure will stop being like this wan'. I've been in and out of relationships this whole time, and now only suddenly it became a problem that I need an assistant just in case I get Gf and suddenly get busy? If he don't trust me, then there is no point to it dy. He can say good bye to our friendship also. If I talk to him, what should I expect to hear? Nothing he can say is going to make me feel any better for sure. You can think of any excuse ar?
Mom: Maybe he got reason he did this? Maybe he had some rules to follow, thats why? (She knew why, just didn't want to admit it, she is the one who told the priest about me, complaining and asking how to handle the situation)
Me: See la how.. When the time comes, or maybe never.
Convo ended again.
Caught mom there. She is really trying her best to keep her secret, not knowing that I already know. I don't blame her for seeking help, problem is, she jeapourdised my friendship with the priest. Let her bear the guilt of it silently as well. She could have spoken to other priest, but she spoke to my friend, and it jeapourdised the friendship... Sure was fun testing the waters though, see how she can tahan and make excuses. Will update you guys if I ever talk to the priest over this.
Lover Boi
Just recently, on wednesday night, I was driving mum to church for some meeting there.. During the journey, I asked her about the priest, whether he asked her anything about me or not. I'll do this in convo style so you guys would understand.
Me: Mom, did Father ask you about me and why I not active in church and all ar?
Mom: No, we've been too busy, no chance to talk to him also. Why? You still not talking to him?
Me: Nope. Don't intend to. But he talked to me the other day.
Mom: What he said?
Me: Well, asked me how I was. I ask him back. Then I kept quiet, refused to strike conversation. He told me abit about the church condition now, and then he asked me whether there were alot of activities going on in school. Told him there wasn't. Then He asked what I did nowadays. Said I sat at home doing nothing la. (He kept quiet after that, probably comfirmed that I was angry at him or the church. Btw, I don't talk to him in church or anything, he sees me from a far, but I ignore him and do my thing normally, still pissed probably.) Then I went off.
Mom: Why? You should go and speak to him and talk things out. Don't hold a grudge inside.
Me: Whats the point?
Mom: Well, you'll feel better when you let it out and talk things through.
Me: No point. What could possibly make me feel better, what is said is said, there is no taking back.
Mom: Is there no forgiveness in your heart?
Me: Maybe I've forgiven him already, I just don't want to talk to him.
Mom: You haven't forgotten it. You've forgiven but not yet forget. You should go talk to him.
Then the convo ended.
Later it continued after the meeting.
Me: I thought about what you said, but even if I talk to him, what am I suppose to expect to hear? He cannot take back what he said, he won't have any excuse... What should I expect to hear?
Mom: you should forgive and forget lor.
Me: Forgetting, and forgetting him along. What is said is said, cannot take back. When I first joined, I was very loyal, very regular, he said ' when get girlfriend sure will stop being like this wan'. I've been in and out of relationships this whole time, and now only suddenly it became a problem that I need an assistant just in case I get Gf and suddenly get busy? If he don't trust me, then there is no point to it dy. He can say good bye to our friendship also. If I talk to him, what should I expect to hear? Nothing he can say is going to make me feel any better for sure. You can think of any excuse ar?
Mom: Maybe he got reason he did this? Maybe he had some rules to follow, thats why? (She knew why, just didn't want to admit it, she is the one who told the priest about me, complaining and asking how to handle the situation)
Me: See la how.. When the time comes, or maybe never.
Convo ended again.
Caught mom there. She is really trying her best to keep her secret, not knowing that I already know. I don't blame her for seeking help, problem is, she jeapourdised my friendship with the priest. Let her bear the guilt of it silently as well. She could have spoken to other priest, but she spoke to my friend, and it jeapourdised the friendship... Sure was fun testing the waters though, see how she can tahan and make excuses. Will update you guys if I ever talk to the priest over this.
Lover Boi
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Always something to learn..
Hey there guys,
Well, ever since I've been with the Bf, we've been through some wonderful experiences.. Many with our families and how we get to learn about each other... The boy has mention many times, how much he disliked his family, how much he wanted to move away... How much he didn't care about his family.
Just 4 days back, his grandpa, Gong Gong (Lets call him OM, OldMan), passed away. After spending for more than a week in 2 different hospitals, he passed on. The boy had to spend a night at the hospital with him, I kept him company, after his constant tantrum and complaints and unleashed anger at me, I thought that perhaps I could do a little to help by being with him that night. He was a little better when I was there, slept through the night and all.. haha.. I on the other hand was watching OM and sacrifising my sleep. Anyway, OM still did pass on, glad I had the chance to be with him before he went.
So, as the following days came, I just went whenever I could, spending a little time there with the boy and helping to bank money (folding hellnotes). Even throughout this time we could still have arguments and all, 2 at that mind you.. All settled within the day, so no worries. But then, I noticed how much this boy was still a son in the family, doing his part (something I call Social Responsibilities). I realise that as much as he disliked (which I now truly doubt) his family, he still did his part. That his family meant something to him afterall, as much as he refuses to admit.
Other than the issue over which we argued about, I am rather proud of this rascal, of everything he is doing for his family. I suppose funerals and all, does remind people of how much their family means to them.. Sometimes too late, but in this case, it wasn't.. Thank God...
Lover boy..
Well, ever since I've been with the Bf, we've been through some wonderful experiences.. Many with our families and how we get to learn about each other... The boy has mention many times, how much he disliked his family, how much he wanted to move away... How much he didn't care about his family.
Just 4 days back, his grandpa, Gong Gong (Lets call him OM, OldMan), passed away. After spending for more than a week in 2 different hospitals, he passed on. The boy had to spend a night at the hospital with him, I kept him company, after his constant tantrum and complaints and unleashed anger at me, I thought that perhaps I could do a little to help by being with him that night. He was a little better when I was there, slept through the night and all.. haha.. I on the other hand was watching OM and sacrifising my sleep. Anyway, OM still did pass on, glad I had the chance to be with him before he went.
So, as the following days came, I just went whenever I could, spending a little time there with the boy and helping to bank money (folding hellnotes). Even throughout this time we could still have arguments and all, 2 at that mind you.. All settled within the day, so no worries. But then, I noticed how much this boy was still a son in the family, doing his part (something I call Social Responsibilities). I realise that as much as he disliked (which I now truly doubt) his family, he still did his part. That his family meant something to him afterall, as much as he refuses to admit.
Other than the issue over which we argued about, I am rather proud of this rascal, of everything he is doing for his family. I suppose funerals and all, does remind people of how much their family means to them.. Sometimes too late, but in this case, it wasn't.. Thank God...
Lover boy..
Friday, May 22, 2009
A functioning relationship
Well, its been 3 months and 19 days since the BF ans I have been together. Still holding on to each other and still facing the world and all its challenges.
For the past few weeks, ever since the 'Bay incident' ( Oh... I never told you guys about the Bay incident... I will k.. soon.. ) , the relationship has been a real roller coaster, full of drama and heart pounding incidents of the happy and also sad types. Well, wasn't the easiest time for us also. I was getting pissed very often, very much like how the BF was initially in the beginning of the relationship... So many things that he does just seem to tick me off, sometimes just because he didn't meet my expectations. Other times, because he says the wrong thing at the wrong time, maybe the fight wouldn't have happened if I handled the situation better. Just maybe.
The only thing we haven't done is hit each other, we've shouted, argued, walked away, broke up a few times (he asked for the breakups, not me, but then he never meant it la), made a scene in public twice. I asked myself why is it that I am so angry at him, was it that the incidents and the mistrust had some psychological effect on me. But then when I look into his eyes, at his face, it just gives me that reassurance that everything is going to be ok. I feel so much at ease with him. That sweet face and that silly smile, those eyes that seem to look straight into my soul. I love looking at his face for that reason, just that quiet moment, staring at each other, ( he doesn't know how to appreciate moments like those) reminding me of how much he means to me, how much I want to be with him... How much I love him...
Maybe we have our fights very often, we both show our colours sometimes, but then to know that we love each other so much, despite all that happened. The fact the he still holds my hand, and I hold him after all that big fights, all that serious talk, those false alarm breakups. I dare say, that our relationship is going well and functioning at its best. We love each other... My silly monkey... I love you..
Lover Boy
Dedicated to the silly monkey boy...
For the past few weeks, ever since the 'Bay incident' ( Oh... I never told you guys about the Bay incident... I will k.. soon.. ) , the relationship has been a real roller coaster, full of drama and heart pounding incidents of the happy and also sad types. Well, wasn't the easiest time for us also. I was getting pissed very often, very much like how the BF was initially in the beginning of the relationship... So many things that he does just seem to tick me off, sometimes just because he didn't meet my expectations. Other times, because he says the wrong thing at the wrong time, maybe the fight wouldn't have happened if I handled the situation better. Just maybe.
The only thing we haven't done is hit each other, we've shouted, argued, walked away, broke up a few times (he asked for the breakups, not me, but then he never meant it la), made a scene in public twice. I asked myself why is it that I am so angry at him, was it that the incidents and the mistrust had some psychological effect on me. But then when I look into his eyes, at his face, it just gives me that reassurance that everything is going to be ok. I feel so much at ease with him. That sweet face and that silly smile, those eyes that seem to look straight into my soul. I love looking at his face for that reason, just that quiet moment, staring at each other, ( he doesn't know how to appreciate moments like those) reminding me of how much he means to me, how much I want to be with him... How much I love him...
Maybe we have our fights very often, we both show our colours sometimes, but then to know that we love each other so much, despite all that happened. The fact the he still holds my hand, and I hold him after all that big fights, all that serious talk, those false alarm breakups. I dare say, that our relationship is going well and functioning at its best. We love each other... My silly monkey... I love you..
Lover Boy
Dedicated to the silly monkey boy...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Trouble starts...
After a series of blows within the relationship, things finally subsided (or so I thought)... Weeks of crying and getting hurt, one blow after another, I struggled to stay strong and keeping the relationship together. We talked about whatever happened, not in detailed, just generally ( never really had the time and the correct environment to talk) , the matter was settled with a conclusion and solution that we would turn a new leaf and start afresh, leaving the past where it is and looking towards the future.
I thought I had a chance the grasp and apply this after a few days of digesting it, just as it registered in my head and made me feel much better, the bf's father comes to visit him and the family. The parents had a discussion along with the grandmother, and a resolution was passed that they wanted the BF to change. Of course the BF, in love with me, argued all the way. That is the only consoling part, of course leaving aside the part that the he said if the father (who is a big time gangsta in Johor) was to threaten to kill him, he won't leave me. And if he was forced to, he will kill himself instead. That was a consolation and a whole other matter to be concerned about.
The most hurtful part was, that the mother, whose presence I was in for the past few months, actually said that. And my family actually GAVE them a bottle of Bailey's because she likes Bailey's that fine day itself.
Yesterday, as the Bf and I were having our regular arguments and row, suddenly she pops into the room and asks the bf, 'Arguing is it? Argue better la, let him fly off ( leave you / leave him )'I was like, 'WTF?!' We had another row over that matter after she said that. Which drew us to the end of our arguments as always, with a conclusion that we both loved each other and some consoling for him over his regret of being in such a family.
How am I going to approach this one, I wonder..... Nothing is ever easy....
Lover Boy
I thought I had a chance the grasp and apply this after a few days of digesting it, just as it registered in my head and made me feel much better, the bf's father comes to visit him and the family. The parents had a discussion along with the grandmother, and a resolution was passed that they wanted the BF to change. Of course the BF, in love with me, argued all the way. That is the only consoling part, of course leaving aside the part that the he said if the father (who is a big time gangsta in Johor) was to threaten to kill him, he won't leave me. And if he was forced to, he will kill himself instead. That was a consolation and a whole other matter to be concerned about.
The most hurtful part was, that the mother, whose presence I was in for the past few months, actually said that. And my family actually GAVE them a bottle of Bailey's because she likes Bailey's that fine day itself.
Yesterday, as the Bf and I were having our regular arguments and row, suddenly she pops into the room and asks the bf, 'Arguing is it? Argue better la, let him fly off ( leave you / leave him )'I was like, 'WTF?!' We had another row over that matter after she said that. Which drew us to the end of our arguments as always, with a conclusion that we both loved each other and some consoling for him over his regret of being in such a family.
How am I going to approach this one, I wonder..... Nothing is ever easy....
Lover Boy
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