The CHURCH and I

Good day there dearest readers,
I'm gonna apologize to you guys for not keeping my word... I believe I mentioned in the last posting that I may speak about Mr. and Mr. Valentine in this posting.. Instead, I will be telling you about church in relations to me. ( for you maths people, its differentiate ( D church / D me ) ...hahaha...)

This was how it used to be... I was brought up as a Catholic ever since I was an infant. Every Sunday since 6 years old, I attended Sunday School (Catechism of the Catholic Church classes) until the age of 17 years of age. Every Sunday, they tell us this or that or another thing about God... Some of the teachers will bad mouth the other churches, some other religions and all during that period of time.. Of course all that would have to stop at certain age when we were capable of arguing... And so we heard about this part of the church, of that part of the church... And I think, after so long of listening to them, I don't think they even really read the Catechism of the Catholic Church to begin with. Anyway, and so we were there all these while, learning to be Good Christians or something like that. At 14 years of age, I decided to join the Altar Servers. ( these are the people you see in movies during weddings and all in churches, are standing next to the priest at the altar) after much prompting by the old French priest who used to serve our church. When he left, I joined the Society, hoping that with a new priest, there would be new things and so I can start from scratch along with everybody else.. I learned everything from scratch, enough for me to know why certain parts of the service is conducted and all.. Most of the altar servers would only just do what they are told and thats it.. I made it personal. Making an effort to be there whenever there is service during the weekends, starting a trend of attending service twice a week..
After several years with the altar servers, I became the most frequent and sort of the most responsible/dedicated altar server among the lot. The priest requested that I head the society. And so I with great honour, to up to the task. It wasn't easy at first, to tackle several problems within the altar servers, but in the end I manage to. That was when it first started in 2007. After that, I began to take up my personal interest of singing by joining the choir. (I loved to sing, I sang through high school, being in the music class and all).. And so I did so, also with an aim, to improve the choir which was very often short of members. That was my goal when joining the choir other than to indulge in my personal hobby. That was also in the year 2007, the end of it I think..
Recently, after my mother found out about my state of being WHAT I am. She was finding it hard to accept, and of all people she ran to, to talk about this was the priest, whom with I had a personal friendship. This news I received from my sister 2 days after she returned from National Service. I was so terribly dissapointed to receive that news, because just a week back, the priest asked me a question he had never asked before, 'Do you have an assistant in the altar server's society?' When I told him no, he said 'You better find somebody and train him up la, because you'll be busy and all.. If you have a girlfriend or anything then gone.' This conversation took place the week before. He and I used to be rather close may I say, we used to talked about things and I treat him like a friend, but after I found out this bad news, my perception towards him changed completely. I got angry at both him and mom (my mom this time). How can she have ran to him, who was my friend? And his reaction? All so dissapointing. (Part of a priest job is to counsel people and to keep their secrets with those he counsels.) But then in this case, although he did keep his promise of secrecy, he reacted in such a way.... I have been having relationships all the while throughout my time in the altar servers, and now suddenly it became an issue? After all my dedication I put in, I lost hope and motivation.
I reacted immediately by finding replacements and will be waiting to depart from the altar servers. It had been in mind for some time now, the thing is, I wanted to leave at my own time, not when somebody ask me to.. Especially my superior, in a way like he lost confidence in me.. And now I have absolutely no mood to go to church, no mood for anything related to church, not only that, I want to quit everything I have to do with the church. Other than going to church whenever it is necessary. That means I will be leaving even the choir, the only chance to sing in public ( the church folks actually like my voice when I sing and chant if I may say) , the altar servers with whom I have grown to know and understand more about the church, my friendship with the priest and everything else that is related to church except the friends of course.. Some only that is, most of them I wouldn't mind unknowing them, again sorry to say la.
All this for the sake of being WHAT I am and what church people will think of me and all.. All this so that I can love my boy more and more... So that I can worry and think less of my responsibilities for his sake. Oh...Did I mention that the Catholic Church and most Christian denominations are against homosexuals? Well, they are... Perhaps the priest did what he did because he thought that when people find out, they may begin to doubt my credibility with their sons. But I still think the idiot should have consulted me first, if he doesn't dare to, then I should be left with my own choice of leaving which was very soon already... Not exactly the way I planned to leave, but at least I'm leaving. Thats one good news for me I think... Good luck to C and D who will be taking my place governing the little rascals.
Anyway, that is my relationship with the church, at the brink of complete divorce. Though I will still attend service and all, other than that, nothing to do with the church. Another part of my life currently, look out for the next part which I hope will be posted soon enough... Regards my dearest readers and followers. Again, thank you for your kindness...

Lover Boy, not in love with the church anymore...