Good day dearest friends and ( family don't know my blog, so yeah) friends.
I again have no other place to turn to than to come back here, to you guys to cry on. It's 5.23 am now, I haven't got any sleep and can't seem to close my eyes or get my mind off things. I need to share this with you now, because I truly have no one else to turn to.
I am heartbroken. So very much so disturbed by what I was told just now. Earlier today, I went to the hospital to meet the bf because his baby brother was admitted for high fever. While sitting there by the bedside with him, we started talking about this and that which were mostly arguments, discussion turn argument types. What happened according to each other's view may be different to each other, thats why the argument happened. Anyway, during 1 of the arguments, I walked away, but then I turned back. The argument continued, until he refused to talk to me and this time I really walked away ( I was rushing off to meet my sister for dinner, which didn't happen because I was late). As I was walking out, he sent me a text, a text so familiar, so many times heard over and over again, the text that made me cry each time. 'Its over. I don't want to see you again.' It broke my heart all over again, but I took it lightly, telling myself that he was just angry.
I texted him some 2 hours or so later, asking him to have some dinner. Our friend still being angry, told me off and asked my why I still bothered when I didn't care earlier. (Which I did ask and offered to buy earlier, but our friend was too caught up in anger instead). A few hours after that again I saw him signed in. Asked about whether he had dinner or not and all, he didn't because (he said) he wasn't hungry. I asked him after that if he meant what he said, (thinking that he may have calmed down).
'Did you mean what you said just now?'
'Sorta.'
'So you really meant every word?'
'Yes'
I am now lost. Unsure of anything. Unsure of whether its good that he left me, or will I get so broken down. The person who I admitted that I loved so much, to everybody, even to my grandmother when we were first together. If he comes back, shall I forgive and accept him again like every other time (even after so many times of telling him to not say what he doesn't mean)? Shall I run to him and beg him to take me back? Shall I not take him back? Do I wait? One thing I'm sure of, that I love him so much, and am hurt just as much. Time and again he throws me away. Maybe we are just not meant to be? Everything felt so right. I loved him. I was happy with him. I could talk with him (not so much the serious stuff, but still). But he is not happy with me, I have been hurting him time and time again. Maybe its good he left me, for his own sake. Maybe he'll be happier like that, or with another guy.
I don't know anymore.
Heartbroken. Over and over again.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
In Good Times and Bad..
Hey guys, its me... Sorry for the awful long silence. Things have been going fine with me so far. Exam results all screwed up, now preparing for the trial exams and am going to be resitting for all the other papers as well just to cover up the bad remarks. Hopefully it will pay off even though I may not be using these studies to help in my Law degree and career later on.
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about this time is about my relationship. There many times the boy and I just fought, for mostly simple yet difficult reasons. What we all see or if told to another may sound like the smallest thing, but then when we are fighting, it is a very big issue. Varies from person to person I suppose.
So, what do we do when all things seem to go wrong, when he keeps saying 'We're breaking up!' every time there is an argument, when he threatens you with breaking up and hanging up the phone, when he himself doesn't like it? What I tell myself is, this is all just anger, let it pass. Another thing is that I would never say that I want to leave him, because I know I don't want to. Over and over my heart was broken by such remarks, but time and again I just cannot leave him, and he still does come back to me in the end. But how much can be taken?
My only reason I am still with him even through all the hurts and pains is the fact that I love him so very much. I don;t want to leave his side over petty matters, though sometimes what may seem big. He comes back to me each time, telling me that he loves me too.. Yes, its not easy to take it each time such a blow come to the face. But I know what I believe in, and I know where I stand still, to be together in GOOD TIMES and in BAD TIMES. To accept the other person without discrimination and without bringing up their own pasts, something left behind to forget it. Without judging each other, still accepting the wrong person and letting it go.
What I am trying to say is this, somethings we say without thinking it through. Like throwing away your own sexy bf or what. But as couples, there is a commitment made to each other, that is to love each other more and more..... And to not say the things that we don';t mean, sometimes it can turn out too late for anyone....
Till next time,
ciau
Lover Boy
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about this time is about my relationship. There many times the boy and I just fought, for mostly simple yet difficult reasons. What we all see or if told to another may sound like the smallest thing, but then when we are fighting, it is a very big issue. Varies from person to person I suppose.
So, what do we do when all things seem to go wrong, when he keeps saying 'We're breaking up!' every time there is an argument, when he threatens you with breaking up and hanging up the phone, when he himself doesn't like it? What I tell myself is, this is all just anger, let it pass. Another thing is that I would never say that I want to leave him, because I know I don't want to. Over and over my heart was broken by such remarks, but time and again I just cannot leave him, and he still does come back to me in the end. But how much can be taken?
My only reason I am still with him even through all the hurts and pains is the fact that I love him so very much. I don;t want to leave his side over petty matters, though sometimes what may seem big. He comes back to me each time, telling me that he loves me too.. Yes, its not easy to take it each time such a blow come to the face. But I know what I believe in, and I know where I stand still, to be together in GOOD TIMES and in BAD TIMES. To accept the other person without discrimination and without bringing up their own pasts, something left behind to forget it. Without judging each other, still accepting the wrong person and letting it go.
What I am trying to say is this, somethings we say without thinking it through. Like throwing away your own sexy bf or what. But as couples, there is a commitment made to each other, that is to love each other more and more..... And to not say the things that we don';t mean, sometimes it can turn out too late for anyone....
Till next time,
ciau
Lover Boy
Saturday, August 22, 2009
~::the rise of the alcoholic::~
Hey there dear readers...As you've noticed on the title of this post that you have a new born author who is all for party, alcohol, events, fashion and much much more!!!! I will be posting once in awhile and will update on my personal touch of fashion for guys and girls...
So stay with me for more to come... As for now, hasta lavista people!
~raspberry vodka~
So stay with me for more to come... As for now, hasta lavista people!
~raspberry vodka~
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Hope We share
Hey there dearest friends,
Many of us go through the difficult times in life. Some every now and then, some very often. The difficulties faced can range from the tiniest bit of fighting with friends, to more serious stuff like suicidal thoughts and depression. Many a times, people cannot help in the situation and nobody will understand what goes through our minds and how we are taking it.
I go through many of this troubling stuff. It is very very disturbing. And when I turn to someone else to discuss it, somethings always seem to be my fault still, no matter how hard I try to explain how I feel. Nobody can understand what I was going through and how I was feeling. This has been happening all my life, and like many other people in the world who go through their own problems, many a times there is nobody who would listen to us, and so we keep it deep in ourselves. Letting it eat us up slowly bit by bit.
Some things on the other hand are just out of our control. We just cannot help it at all. There is no chance, no matter what we do to avoid something, it still happens. We can complain, we can talk to people, but then it still doesn't change things and cannot help. In the end there is only one thing we can do, hope for the best. 2 ways to go about it, drop it and leave it, run away from everything and make it easier for ourselves OR we can hold on tight, stay strong even in our weakest times, do not lose faith, try our best to help the situation and again hope for the best. There is only so much we can do, most important thing is that we try and not give up so easily. Life is never gonna be any more easier for us nor other people. We all have our own problems, in one form or another. We may be different, but we are all still subject to life and its games.
So, lets face it strongly, looking up, and take it head on. To give up or not to give up. But in the end, either way that comes, there is one thing that we all share, no matter how big or small or rich or poor. We share the hope that everything will be all right, everything will work out fine, everything will still go on. We share that one hope, gay or straight, for ourselves or others, just a spark of hope. And that hope will make all the difference.
To a change and to the hope we share.. Cheers..
Lover Boi..
Many of us go through the difficult times in life. Some every now and then, some very often. The difficulties faced can range from the tiniest bit of fighting with friends, to more serious stuff like suicidal thoughts and depression. Many a times, people cannot help in the situation and nobody will understand what goes through our minds and how we are taking it.
I go through many of this troubling stuff. It is very very disturbing. And when I turn to someone else to discuss it, somethings always seem to be my fault still, no matter how hard I try to explain how I feel. Nobody can understand what I was going through and how I was feeling. This has been happening all my life, and like many other people in the world who go through their own problems, many a times there is nobody who would listen to us, and so we keep it deep in ourselves. Letting it eat us up slowly bit by bit.
Some things on the other hand are just out of our control. We just cannot help it at all. There is no chance, no matter what we do to avoid something, it still happens. We can complain, we can talk to people, but then it still doesn't change things and cannot help. In the end there is only one thing we can do, hope for the best. 2 ways to go about it, drop it and leave it, run away from everything and make it easier for ourselves OR we can hold on tight, stay strong even in our weakest times, do not lose faith, try our best to help the situation and again hope for the best. There is only so much we can do, most important thing is that we try and not give up so easily. Life is never gonna be any more easier for us nor other people. We all have our own problems, in one form or another. We may be different, but we are all still subject to life and its games.
So, lets face it strongly, looking up, and take it head on. To give up or not to give up. But in the end, either way that comes, there is one thing that we all share, no matter how big or small or rich or poor. We share the hope that everything will be all right, everything will work out fine, everything will still go on. We share that one hope, gay or straight, for ourselves or others, just a spark of hope. And that hope will make all the difference.
To a change and to the hope we share.. Cheers..
Lover Boi..
Sunday, August 2, 2009
To What End....?
Suddenly there is so much to say... haha.. Well guys, this posting is going to be about something that I realised quite recently. A lesson learned and hopefully I can understand further.
So, like all relationships, not only relationships actually, life to be specific. Yeah, so like everyday in life, there will always be fights and all. I mentioned relationship because my dearest and I have been fighting ever so often over the smallest things. A simple misunderstanding can lead to an argument to the extent of not talking. Yes and that has been happening like every 2-3 days. Feddup? yes... But still, what to do? When a fight happens, it happens. Its either one of us will get irritated, then the other gets angry, and then all the defensive statements including accusations and finger pointing, for hours.
So, we were talking casually the other day and I mentioned that I missed him and that I'm feddup of fighting ever so often anymore. He agreed. But due to some misunderstandings and some uncalled for words (which eventually would have came out, one way or another), we both started fighting all over again. Well, I realised something some days back ad applied it this time. I didn't get angry, I just talked, reasoned, argued yes, but not angry. Everytime something I didn't like happened, I just said never mind and carried on without getting angry. It didn't stop the argument and fight sadly. Another round of some private and confidential stuff came out, hurt so very much, oh yes it did.... In the end the fight resided and all was fine again, at least I think so la...
Anyways, what I realised was this, whats the point of getting angry? To what end will we reach if we did get angry. Finding the solutions calmly with love and forgiveness was the technique. In the end I still cried, but then I'm very proud of myself that I managed to hold it back throughout the conversation. Even after so long throughout the relationship that almost toppled a number of times but didn't, I thought I've learned alot already, little did I know there was much to learn still. To not get angry is one of those important lessons. Hopefully, it will keep me from fighting with the bf that much.
Whats the point of getting angry? If still want to, to what end? Not going to help anybody. So, something to think about before fighting or arguing, To What End?
Lover Boi
So, like all relationships, not only relationships actually, life to be specific. Yeah, so like everyday in life, there will always be fights and all. I mentioned relationship because my dearest and I have been fighting ever so often over the smallest things. A simple misunderstanding can lead to an argument to the extent of not talking. Yes and that has been happening like every 2-3 days. Feddup? yes... But still, what to do? When a fight happens, it happens. Its either one of us will get irritated, then the other gets angry, and then all the defensive statements including accusations and finger pointing, for hours.
So, we were talking casually the other day and I mentioned that I missed him and that I'm feddup of fighting ever so often anymore. He agreed. But due to some misunderstandings and some uncalled for words (which eventually would have came out, one way or another), we both started fighting all over again. Well, I realised something some days back ad applied it this time. I didn't get angry, I just talked, reasoned, argued yes, but not angry. Everytime something I didn't like happened, I just said never mind and carried on without getting angry. It didn't stop the argument and fight sadly. Another round of some private and confidential stuff came out, hurt so very much, oh yes it did.... In the end the fight resided and all was fine again, at least I think so la...
Anyways, what I realised was this, whats the point of getting angry? To what end will we reach if we did get angry. Finding the solutions calmly with love and forgiveness was the technique. In the end I still cried, but then I'm very proud of myself that I managed to hold it back throughout the conversation. Even after so long throughout the relationship that almost toppled a number of times but didn't, I thought I've learned alot already, little did I know there was much to learn still. To not get angry is one of those important lessons. Hopefully, it will keep me from fighting with the bf that much.
Whats the point of getting angry? If still want to, to what end? Not going to help anybody. So, something to think about before fighting or arguing, To What End?
Lover Boi
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