What Lies Beneath #1

Good day dearest friends and ( family don't know my blog, so yeah) friends.
I again have no other place to turn to than to come back here, to you guys to cry on. It's 5.23 am now, I haven't got any sleep and can't seem to close my eyes or get my mind off things. I need to share this with you now, because I truly have no one else to turn to.

I am heartbroken. So very much so disturbed by what I was told just now. Earlier today, I went to the hospital to meet the bf because his baby brother was admitted for high fever. While sitting there by the bedside with him, we started talking about this and that which were mostly arguments, discussion turn argument types. What happened according to each other's view may be different to each other, thats why the argument happened. Anyway, during 1 of the arguments, I walked away, but then I turned back. The argument continued, until he refused to talk to me and this time I really walked away ( I was rushing off to meet my sister for dinner, which didn't happen because I was late). As I was walking out, he sent me a text, a text so familiar, so many times heard over and over again, the text that made me cry each time. 'Its over. I don't want to see you again.' It broke my heart all over again, but I took it lightly, telling myself that he was just angry.

I texted him some 2 hours or so later, asking him to have some dinner. Our friend still being angry, told me off and asked my why I still bothered when I didn't care earlier. (Which I did ask and offered to buy earlier, but our friend was too caught up in anger instead). A few hours after that again I saw him signed in. Asked about whether he had dinner or not and all, he didn't because (he said) he wasn't hungry. I asked him after that if he meant what he said, (thinking that he may have calmed down).

'Did you mean what you said just now?'
'Sorta.'
'So you really meant every word?'
'Yes'

I am now lost. Unsure of anything. Unsure of whether its good that he left me, or will I get so broken down. The person who I admitted that I loved so much, to everybody, even to my grandmother when we were first together. If he comes back, shall I forgive and accept him again like every other time (even after so many times of telling him to not say what he doesn't mean)? Shall I run to him and beg him to take me back? Shall I not take him back? Do I wait? One thing I'm sure of, that I love him so much, and am hurt just as much. Time and again he throws me away. Maybe we are just not meant to be? Everything felt so right. I loved him. I was happy with him. I could talk with him (not so much the serious stuff, but still). But he is not happy with me, I have been hurting him time and time again. Maybe its good he left me, for his own sake. Maybe he'll be happier like that, or with another guy.

I don't know anymore.

Heartbroken. Over and over again.