Complicated Fun....

Hey guys, sorry for the long silence. Was wondering how to put whatever that happened in words while it was happening. Too many uncertainties.

Well, to be honest, the part I left out is that L, is already in a relationship with another guy whose given everything he can for his relationship. So we all know what I was, the most hated of all...

So through this few weeks, it was all a complicated story. Whether I mean something or not, is his BF and him working out or not, whats going to happen... Who am I to him? Who is he to me? I was thinking of him everyday, every meal and all by the time I was thinking of all this mind you. In love, probably...

Anyway, tried ending it once, cried my heart out because what I did was hurtful, for the best, but cuts deep. Regretted the next day, apologised and all, and a few days later, we were back together again. Couldn't take it that we were parting from each other. So we were still texting and meeting for drinks and all like before. (of course I gave conditions that I don't want him to leave his BF just like that and all la of course)



We met a few days back, to go for dinner, then we went driving in his car. We didn;t do much, was late, couldn't spend much time together. We met the following day again, went to his place, picked him up and off we went to the park for a long walk. When we got back to the car, wanted to kiss him, but he didn't want to. (we did kiss in the park though). To me, it was like, whats going on? A change of heart? I asked him what he wanted at the end of that ride back, and we ended out little 'affair' there, simply with a hug, that hug that meant so much to me... That assured me that everything would be ok. (sad....)

Today, we still text each other in the mornings and all, never chat because of his bad internet connection. We still miss each other, he suggested that we let things happen naturally between us. How is that? I wouldn't know. But yeah, thats the story of L and me. The 5 year Chee Cheong Fun deal is still on though.

So what am I now? Square 1 again, sitting in front of the computer, chatting with new friends, studying at the side, hoping that someone whom I like would turn up to turn my world upside down again. Till then, I need to be strong and hold on to myself. Alone again.
Nothing's ever easy..... haiz...

Lover boi