The past me...

Welcome back dearest readers and followers. This entry is going to be about the past 'ME', not everything of course.. A little here and a little there, somethings that I used to be so sure of.
Here are a few characteristics that I for one used to have... Something that made me who I was at a time...
Happy-go-Lucky. The mindset of being contented with whatever that is in front of us, never saying that this is not enough or that is not enough. Never complain about anything, always happy in a sense. I had no goals, no dreams, no hopes (perhaps a little, but then never high) , whatever I got was good enough for me. Never had a worry in the world. People would ask me 'D, what you going to do later on?' the reply was always ' wait for inspiration la, whatever comes along comes la, cause I believe if I want, I can do anything' That was my concept from before, still is today, so highly confident of myself that I can achieve anything, what is lacking is the desire. So the idea was simple, if it happens, it happens.
What I want, when I want. I used to be a person full of myself that I could do what I want, when I want. ( Of course what I want was very simple, a few games of DDR, sitting by the road side and eating my favourite Tau Foo Fa or Rojak, cycling in the evenings) Yes, those were the things I used to do, nothing ever more than the budget of a few bucks. I never went for movies, never went shopping. Nope, my life was the simple kampung boy or less lifestyle. Simple person, mostly because I never had the means ( means = money), but still happy with what I had. Imagine RM150 can last throughout the month without a worry... Thats how simple and inexpensive I was. Very kampung.
Mummy's boy. I used to be very much as it says there.. Everything I did was with the mother (dun get the wrong ideas !! ) , going out for supper, shopping, yeah, those stuff.... Mostly because she is my mother, and when I got out with her, I get alot of things I can never afford on my own, especially good meals on request. Wherever Mary went, the lamb was sure to follow. This is also because of the instilled responsibility of being the only son in the house, and to help the mother whever I can. Whenever mum went to visit relatives and all, I was sure to follow. 1- I am the son, I represent my father. 2 - Thats the only way I get to go out without worrying about spending money. 3 - I go places that I normally wouldn't go.

Today, these things have changed, by quite a bit may I admit. I am no longer as how I used to be. Lets touch on the final one first, I dunnoe what to say on this... I think its time... Me and my times, and mum and her times...
Mum used to be a workoholic may I mention, she would work for hours and hours until late at night, imagine leaving at 7am and coming home at about11pm? There was a time mum used to come home a bit early when papa was alive. Even after that, she used to come home quite early, until that fine day when she got promoted. Thats when all the trouble started again, and the late hours were no longer unusual. I in my boredom, would actually go and sit in the lobby of her office waiting, several hours at a time, the least was 30 minutes. Then my bf came into my life, my attention switched to his cause now. Every day, mostly nights, i would be in front of the computer, chatting with him or just plain looking at him through the cam. Every now and then I would make a trip to his place or he to mine. (thank god we live near by). So, even when mum changed jobs, and started working for her aunty, coming home early and all, I barely talk to her. Occupying myself with the boy, or out some where... The saddest part, when I am with her also, we barely talk. I'm sure you heard the story in one of the blogs.
Weekends when mum is free, I am either at the boy's place, or doing something else, and when I ask mum to go out with me, she is always too busy, or tired. When she goes to the relatives place and all, I no longer follow her, prefering to spend time with the boy and all, not wanting to miss him. Even for a few hours. Thats how much I diverted my attention.

Happy-go-lucky? More like Happy-no-happy now... So sad, once without a worry in the world, today, wishing I had more money I could spend with the boy and for myself. Going here and there, wishing we could do this or that, but barely possible, due to my so so so so little allowance. Attempting to find a part time job to overcome this problem, but so far to no avail. The boy, he has to work first before he can actually finance his education, I feel so jealous that he actually is earning money, alot more than I get as allowance, and sad that I cannot also do the same to help lighten his burden. I too would like in some way help him finance his education, its not fair that he has to work to study and I do not.. I wish I could do something to help.

Now, I worry about everything, from what my family thinks and feel about me, to the future of what I am going to be, to help the boy achieve his dreams and keep him comfortable with minimum financial worries. Of course he would be working as well, but I want to be able to take care of him in sense... To be able to spend whenever we feel like it, of course I would still keep to my chinaman concept of being stingy. But then for him, anything I am willing to give... Thats what I hope my future would be like, some day. I hope some day, I will be able to.... I'm gonna start with a part time job if I can find one and start helping in whatever way I can...

Another part of me for your entertainment....OMG, I'm an entertainment..hahaha.... Nyway, tune in for my next post k... Thank you very much, my dearest readers.. Muacks....

Lover Boy